siguro.

kasi i don’t get it really why am i constantly thrown in the sea of agony.  i am “dying” right now; being “killed” by them one pint of blood every day.

however, i believe i can honestly say i was a good kid growing up.  then, in my youth, i was even voted by my high school batchmates as ‘the person who will most likely be a nun.’  some are teasing me as a young Rosa Rosal pa nga.  proof to this are the benedictine and san lorenzo ruiz medals given on our graduation.  then, after law school, a very powerful manghuhula told me I had a strong calling, but God forgives me ‘coz I chose to like somebody.

and then, with them, sinunod ko mga utos; hindi ko sinagot mga paratang at batikos; kept my sense of propriety and etiquette.

so, why all these “persecutions?”

maybe, as Kris says, I might just be over reacting with them and their actions.

and so, i began to doubt myself.

i solicited the advice of some friends.  they get outstanded with my stories.

again, connected with Kris’ dismissal, maybe I exagerrate to get the side of my friends.

examining myself again, naiiyak lang ako sa mga alone-time-car-drives ko.  I tell people the way things are, the way they happen, the manner I am affected, and the way I feel.

going back to the above quoted lines, I doubt it na some childhood/youth sins ko ang cause.  because I do not believe God keeps tabs and “punishes” pettily.

and so, back to square one.

what have I done to have to endure these, them?