making hubby ipit in the whole messy situation?

that or my peace of mind?

sabi nga ni betty, she won’t be surprised if I indeed end up with cancer.  the bad genetic lineage and all the unnecessary stress they give…no surprise at all.

if i continue this kind of life with them and I eventually die of cancer, is it my suicide or their homicide?

ironed out my ass!

a week to go — remove 10 people from the facilities and transfer them to another nearby resort.

three days to go — allowed to use one room in the facilities and transfer everybody to another nearby resort ‘coz of water problem (hindi hinanapan ng ibang solusyon i.e water rationing etc). really short of saying, we really take back our permission to let you use the facilities. what to do, what to do? the “un-godparent” wants us all together and nakakahiya talaga sa kanya!

two days to go — “un-godparent” wants mapaaga arrival. omg, Omg, OMG!

a day to go — nothing is resolved yet because we have to give way to the special event yesterday as hindi kami bastos umeksena.

please god, let me just literally die the next four days and miraculously bring me back to life again after that. or can You just put me to sleep for four days straight starting now? seriously.

i am just at a loss and dunno how else to handle the sama ng loob na talaga against them. ayoko na.

• emo kung sa emo; escapist kung sa escapist. but, really, can i just die today, stay dead for four days, and miraculously come alive again on the fifth day? or, can i just sleep for four days straight?

• i need a paper bag for hyperventilation; a plastic bag for barfing.  i hope i don’t get confused which is which.

• my tummy aches so much na, and there are so many things to do pa.  oh well, how can i expect it to be normal if i am secreting so much acid due to stress?

• ang selfish; to the next level na talaga.  oh, and a bunch of users din. please God, let me not be sucked into being like them. Moreso, please God, spare me from them.

siguro.

kasi i don’t get it really why am i constantly thrown in the sea of agony.  i am “dying” right now; being “killed” by them one pint of blood every day.

however, i believe i can honestly say i was a good kid growing up.  then, in my youth, i was even voted by my high school batchmates as ‘the person who will most likely be a nun.’  some are teasing me as a young Rosa Rosal pa nga.  proof to this are the benedictine and san lorenzo ruiz medals given on our graduation.  then, after law school, a very powerful manghuhula told me I had a strong calling, but God forgives me ‘coz I chose to like somebody.

and then, with them, sinunod ko mga utos; hindi ko sinagot mga paratang at batikos; kept my sense of propriety and etiquette.

so, why all these “persecutions?”

maybe, as Kris says, I might just be over reacting with them and their actions.

and so, i began to doubt myself.

i solicited the advice of some friends.  they get outstanded with my stories.

again, connected with Kris’ dismissal, maybe I exagerrate to get the side of my friends.

examining myself again, naiiyak lang ako sa mga alone-time-car-drives ko.  I tell people the way things are, the way they happen, the manner I am affected, and the way I feel.

going back to the above quoted lines, I doubt it na some childhood/youth sins ko ang cause.  because I do not believe God keeps tabs and “punishes” pettily.

and so, back to square one.

what have I done to have to endure these, them?

my favorite arashi guy has a new jdorama…and his character is half-pinoy!

omg. omg! OMG!

since ganun ang character nya, will they film some scenes here in the Philippines or have they gone here tapos hindi ko alam?!!  and also, will they go here to promote said series kapag nag-international release sila?  I truly hope so.  Point where and pupunta talaga ako!  Hahahaha!

fromhttp://www.tokyograph.com/news/id-4418:

a bit of a backgrounder…

months before our wedding, we were instructed to “un-godparent” one person I already somewhat asked to be so and was by common practice sort of like expected to have been designated as one.  it was wrong and unfair for me; but they were insistent and did not budge with their mandate.

since i am affected daily with the sticky situation, i told Kris that we should settle the matter immediately and personally declare the un-godparent-hood words.  very embarrassing and quite unordinary.  but still, we heeded them and their order was done (during my birthday pa).  as courtesy, we still invited said un-godparent-ed to the wedding and/or to visit the province some other time.

of course I was very upset; yet, still they did not even acknowledge the ’sacrifice’ I did.  Instead, I was just told that if I really want the person to be a godparent, then still make the person one but do not let said godparent sign on the marriage contract.  too shocked to reply; my friends and family who heard said statement were just as dumbfounded as well.

but that was over and done with.

fast forward to the present.

our “un-godparent” took on our courtesy invite to visit the province.

***panic sirens went off in berby’s world***

and so, we asked for their facilities to entertain our “un-godparent.”  knowing how they are, I constantly reminded Kris to re-ask/make sure of the facilities-reservation.  and personally, I even made sure of the matter.  all set then.  did an ocular to see the facilities myself as I haven’t ever been invited to spend a day there.  saw what are lacking and prepared to bring them the next time I get a chance to visit.

all these, but still I am uber stressed.  when the visit is over lang ako makakahinga ‘coz from experience, I know their word cannot really be trusted — many times nagbabago sila ng plano and iniwan kami sa ere to handle and expend for the racket their inconsideration created.

a week ago, Kris was told by their caretaker that the facilities will be occupied by other guests the same period our “un-godparent” was scheduled to go.  then, nasty calls and sms came asking how come we never made paalam that “Ria’s family” will use the facilities.

I am writing this blog to put on record three things:

1. Hindi ako nag-presenta ipagamit the facilities to “un-godparent;”  if the latter took on our casual invite, i firmly believe we are not entirely at fault…what can we do in the embarrassing situation months back — “un-godparent” the person, period, and just leave?  mygawd.  buti sana if kung sino lang siya and my neck is not on the line eh.

2. No, not “Ria’s Family.”  Again, I reiterate our track record, when my family and relatives went to the province before and during the wedding, they all stayed in hotels and resorts, and brought their own vehicles/rented vans for their use.  Since my family and relatives weren’t even invited to their provincial house during the wedding weekend, even just for show of courtesy, who can honestly believe that I would even ask them for the use of their facilities for my family?

3. Pinagpaalam itong event ni Kris 3x; and me, 2x! Omg, how many times should we have done so?!

Kris said the “misunderstandings” are already ironed out. I surely hope so as it would be embarrassment part 2, and sama-ng-loob for the –nth time for me.  Oh well, just the same, Kris prepared a back-up plan ‘coz  by now we learned our lessons well.

haynako, sabi na nga ba eh…

I take pride in my “qualified-pride.’

When times were tough, where were they? Thus, whatever ‘achievement’ that come my way, I attribute to God’s provision and myself/my family/my friends.

That is why I am fuming mad when I found out my biological mother asked a favor from them —- tarnishing my track record and vow not to approach for any personal favors.

Tita Madre says not to take the matter too hard as she is not me.However, I can’t completely let go ‘coz I equate me with the rest of “my side” (especially since they weren’t gracious/respectful not just to me but also my family many times in the past).

I take pride in my “qualified-pride”…kasi ayaw ko dumating sa punto na may maisumbat pa sa akin and sa lahat ng ito ako pa papalabasing walang utang na loob.

The Roman Catholic Church lists pride as the most deadly of the seven deadly sins. Sigh, I swear, lalo ako tuloy nagkakasala even though I just wanna defend/armour myself eh.

Ria: We’ve been married half a year na.

Kris: Happy 6^th-wedding-monthsary!

Ria:In those six months, mas maraming times or half of the time apart tayo?

Kris: Half time apart lang naman.

Ria: Really? Hindi ba ¾ time apart?

Kris: Hindi naman. Mas konti than ¾;mga just a little over half but less than ¾.

Ria:So, we are apart around 3/5of the six months.

And that is our version of a “long distance” relationship.Funny, just as when we got married, the more we’ve been physically apart.

The philosophical/spiritual words of advice of others go: “a baby will eventually come din.”Admittedly, we are somewhat sad that we still aren’t pregnant. Scientifically and “politically,” we acknowledge that the odds are against us (adding stress pa tuloy lalo).

Jackie has been telling me to take a break and go with Kris na lang.If only easy — I need to work rin talaga for our bills and expenses eh (with many hands extended to Kris and having minimal BDF,  plus traveling to and fro Ilocos isn’t cheap, his personal income suffers most of the time).And as I’ve mentioned many times before, it is actually even more stressful in the province (no privacy, no defined space in the household, and no family/friends to ‘rescue’ me).Besides, I cannot picture myself as a clingy-wife, just following hubby — never been a clingy-decoration-only girlfriend/fiancée, no plans to start being one now.

I truly wonder how can those politicos and their respective wives “juggle” this kind of life we are now living…even more amazing, sila pa itong maraming anak and enjoying luxurious lives.Subscribing to the common judgment against them, I guess we will never have kids and wealth with our kind of public service then.It ain’t a picnic being square.