I am tired of being made to appear as a disrespectful person na talaga.

After some thought, I figured, very self-serving for me to say otherwise; and very not worth it to defend myself in this regard as I know how I really conduct myself naman eh.

But there are some things I want to express with this seemingly unending matter (to borrow shey’s expression “utang na loob” napakasimpleng bagay pinapalaki at ginagawang issue eh).

First, no matter how bad I feel with how disrespectful they were to me, by default and good manners, I never fail to greet them.  Oh, definitely they will refute this;  but, track record with my relatives, friends, and the families of my other friends will vouch na lang for me.

Haynaku, buti nga sana if they are “normal”  to greet eh — i.e. whenever I enter houses of my relatives/friends, people therein shout out their welcome as I say my greeting — like how it is ordinarily done, unless lahat ng kamag-anak at kaibigan ko ang kakaiba sa mundong ito.  Pero, sa kanila, parang ang greeting is a kowtowing ritual — greet out loud (be sure marinig ka) and do not expect a greeting in return.  Moreover,  as concession to KRA and since I know it is due them, I now add a kiss in greeting the heads whenever I can.  Now, funny of me to add the latter condition; but, realistically, the condition exists eh.  Kasi naman, when one knows he/she is a recipient of a beso, somehow, may angling to receive so.  Pero sa mundo nila, ang weird — it’s like i have to “catch” the cheek (sigh, sigh, because nga walang effort on their end, some of my giving-respect-beso have awkwardly landed elsewhere. ew, ew).

Pero fine, persevere na lang sa ganito.  Ganbante!!

Second, a beso is a personal prerogative.  Not being a touchy-feely person, I am not comfortable to just freely give out kisses.  Add the fact that said act is quite unhygienic (what if I have bad breath at that moment? how about carriers of viruses and consequent transfers? then the warts scare?).  And so, if hindi talaga kailangan (unlike sa standard we have set na nga for the heads due to our concession), I exercise my prerogative not to make beso.  I have been like this to everyone ever since, so why change to just please some people?

Anyway, I occassionaly practiced making beso during some socials.  The act is overrated and apparently not a crucial standard.  In fact, there were many instances na tuloy parang “too forward” ako to be dishing out besos, that I even created some embarrassing air-kissing situations and was just left to make jokes to kill the awkward moments.

In view of the foregoing experiences, I believe I can live without making besos and that dishing them out is really a personal prerogative. And so, to be forced to make beso, especially to people I am not really fond of (this un-fond-ness, well, it belongs to another dissection exercise), too much!

Bottomline: nakakapikon na and I am soooo tempted to really be the disrespectful person (or in one hearsay instance, the “bitch”) they pertain me to be — for them to see the difference and as a form of my retaliation.

the inner battle between the good Berby and the evil Berby begins…