Dang, my conscience is eating me up; yet I still want to keep my ground of insisting my happiness should also count. I know it’s my religion’s commandment to honor thy parents and almost everyone around me says, “bayaan mo na, nanay mo pa rin yon.”  But, am I mean for not wanting my biological mother to attend the happenings in my life? Is it such a big deal that I just want worry/stress-free celebrations?  Is it so evil of me not to want to make asikaso anyone and just bask in my supposed happiness? 

One, as I said before, mere presence elicits negativity.  Two, some actions are irritatingly embarrassing.  Three, I got deep-rooted grudges, especially one which concerns my dad’s estate.  Four, she did not contribute to my success despite the obvious fact I needed support…in fact, it was my dad, even beyond death, who put me through my entire study of the law and the two bar seasons after; thus it is him who deserves the credit and the position to treat me as a trophy-child with my passing now.  Five, despite being my supposed celebration, she’d use the occasion to ask me to ask other people for favors I would very much like to do without (heck, I do not ask certain big people for favors for myself despite desperately needing for so; then why should I start asking them for matters not even remotely related to me?).

Sigh, live and let live na lang sana.  But because of the blood lines, sana man lang, respect to earn respect. 

—————————

Off to Ilocandia again tonight and be back to sign the Roll of Attorneys next week.  Let it be a kind and safe trip J.

What a great coincidence today:  my oath taking and my law school graduation anniversary! J

Thanks to Attys. Jax and Reyns, I was all glammed up for today’s event J.  Unfortunately, the scorching sun and the loooooong queue towards the entrance in PICC wasted their efforts; sigh L!

The program lasted for just an hour J.  Mas matagal pa yung pagpila and paghihintay ko kina Kris while they retrieve their mobile phones L.   

Ang funny and grandmotherly ni Justice Gutierrez J.  Remedial Law examiner Justice Pardo was loudly applauded J.  Criminal Law and Taxation Law examiners were “boo-ed” J (kasi naman ang hirap and ang haba ng exams nila, with the inclusion of questions not supposedly part of the coverage of the exams).  Kudos and condolences to CJ RSP; he graced the event even though his mother  died hours prior.  Sayang though, even if the oath taking ceremony was slated just before Justice RJCS retires, hindi rin complete ang en banc yesterday due to the absence of Justice RCC L. 

To be real honest, the day did not turn out as I imagined: the queuing system in PICC was horribly irritating (may mga sumisingit at nanunulak pa — I couldn’t stop myself, I really told them off); I felt soooooo lonely, no friends nearby nor batchmates to celebrate with (gratitude nga to Lester for my seat a row away from his group, my officemate went with her group naman); being alone, I was thus reminded of my heartaches for years; had some misunderstandings with Kris; I was given an extra ticket by my Justice yesterday, thus I was forced to invite my biological mother because it was the “correct” thing to do; I was stressed the whole time we were having dinner with my 0’96 because from the track record of my biological mother, she’d prolly raise some embarrassing situations I don’t wanna deal with (she did, but thankfully they were not half as bad as the usual); Kris had to leave us because he was summoned by Cong. RRA to get on the way back to Laoag na.

I was quite sad that today didn’t seem like MY day; rather I had to again adjust to give way to others.  Yes, I know I’m being self-centered… Pardon me, but just today, I wanted to celebrate ME. 

Oh well, as my current mantra goes, “ok lang lahat kasi nakapasa na naman eh; dapat happy and thankful pa rin!”

…may be surrounded by a million people, I still feel alone…

Home, Michael Buble

Hmmm, parang naging common name ako all of a sudden that I’ve been getting calls from ‘problematic’ people.  I only got four days in

Manila

this week, pero biglang dagsa mga nagpapa-’consult’ and comfort.  Listening to them and their tribulations, I really wish I had a magic wand to whip out and make things better.  Sigh, sayang wala rin akong ganitong super powers…L.

In Kris’ campaign trail, I’ve just remained in the background — doing some executive and administrative matters in the HQ and helping out the nephews and the nieces handle the volunteers and campaign paraphernalia.  Sometimes, I’d tag along Kris for moral support and as a goffer (go-for-this-and-that).  Since being along him entails some running and enduring the horrific heat of the sun, I usually dress in casuals, even wearing sneakers to run easily if need be. 

Last night, we attended a town fiesta, several miles of un-cemented/asphalted roads and two rivers away from the city proper.  As usual, there were dancing and the grand march (as mentioned in one of Kris’ blog) before he was introduced as the guest speaker.  Unfortunately, the topic was kinda hard and about women, that near the end, Kris seemed to have run out of words that he included me in his enumeration of women now having careers separate from those of their partners’. 

Next thing I know, the emcee was recognizing me in the audience, and asked me to accompany Kris in crowning the hailed queen majesty of the town. 

OMG!  Onto the stage, in front of many people in my jeans, shirt, and sneakers — worn the entire grueling day! Kakahiya, ang dugyot ko eh J!

Lesson from the experience, try to look fab despite the sweat, the sweltering heat, and the exhaustion.  Shucks, wala pa naman akong ganung super powers …L

Happy birthday, Sulu (George Takei)!  ß hehe, obviously I have a Star Trek Stardate (thanks to JM J).  Happy birthday also to my cousin down under, David!

Off again to ilocandia tonight!

It has been two weeks since the good news.  Now that the primary ‘shock’ has worn off, lemme me do some reflections J.

• Yes, I am happy I finally passed; but examining myself deeper, I think/feel I am more relieved than happy.  At least, I won’t have to leave this country.  I was seriously considering working abroad na lang if I still didn’t make it — to start a new life where no one knows my failures and where I can get odd jobs without being looked down upon.  At least, I can start planning my life and career path again.  At least, I can now face my peers and elders with a revitalized self-esteem.  At least, I can go back to my alma mater without the feeling that I disappointed the institution that molded my legal mind.

• Arrogant as it may seem, but I am proud to say that I am proud of myselfJ.  I take pride in actually pushing through my third attempt.  You all know from my blogs how difficult it had been for me; yet in the end, I still didn’t give up.  Looking at what happened in another angle, yes I failed the bar twice prior; but I did something none of my law friends would ever experience — persisting three times to pass.  For me, ibang klaseng accomplishment and strength of character din ‘yun J. 

• For three years, paulit-ulit na dasal ang “please let me pass the bar, please let me pass the bar.”  Thank goodness, na-revise na rin ang litany na ito J.

• Speaking of praying, yes, I said my thanksgiving prayers immediately to God after I learned I passed; but my passing does not automatically convert me as an ultra religious person.  Believe me, I am very grateful I was granted this gift I’ve long been praying for.  However, I am still not yet done asking my “whys.” I was told before that kaya siguro ako hindi pumasa kasi I haven’t learned the learning/teaching I was to know kaya I had to redo the bar all over again, and again.  I was also told before that God has a reason for allowing said failures to happen.  So, does this mean I’ve learned what I had to learn and I figured out God’s reason for my failures?  I am wracking my brain and heart for the answers.  Maybe I learned and I figured them na nga, but I feel I’m still unconscious of what they really are.  I want to consciously discover so I may never forget; so that can avoid possible repetition of failure-episodes, if possible. I’m positive though, all will be revealed and make sense in my consciousness, in time. Pero, pwede rin, as my spiritual adviser observed before, I am again over analyzing God and my faith.  So, in the mean time, patuloy pa rin ang pagninilay or maybe simply bask in this happy feeling din muna at mabulaga na lang ako and shout eureka!
• As I’ve mentioned before, I hope my experience would serve as an encouragement for three-peaters.  With what has happened, people who know me now has an example of someone they can specifically cite who went through the bar three times to persuade other people with — hindi na lang yung ‘kapatid-ng-kaibigan-ng-batchmate-ko’ kind of connection storyJ. 

• In connection with the immediately preceding bullet point, sorry, medyo useless din ako to ask how I did it the third time.  Honestly, I can’t think of any spectacular method I did nor do I actually remember much about September 2006! 

  Para

  kasing sobrang traumatic those times that my mind seemed to have chosen to set aside my thoughts then.  What I can recall lang are: I read new books (kasi new editions came out na nga of those I got from law school days), I got new reviewers from Attys. Pixie, Abel, Atty. Erick, and ateneo barops 2006 (to start with clean sheets kasi over na sa pag-highlight ang almost yellowish notes ko from school, bar 2004, and bar 2005); I had a lot of help and support from friends; I studied in the office and at home; friends and family campaigned me to God…better and more often than I actually did (kasi nga I was still actively ‘fighting’ God); I still watched TV and slept normally.  Come to think of it, feeling ko nga I did better talaga during 2004 and 2005 bar exams eh.  Weird talaga, nung mas feeling unconfident ako, dun pa pumasa! Kris thinks I’ve less analyzed the exams na siguro and thus gave simple answers that did the trick. 

• Within the past two weeks, it seemed a great cloud above my head has been lifted. In a way, it has become easier for me to accept petty problems and some upcoming financial obstacles.  I believe I’m easing aside the bulk of my bitterness and gone back to hoping kasi.

• Yehey, I can take up an auto-mechanic course for real.  I was imagining, if I failed, people might think I’m such a loser and say, “ay naging mekaniko na lang siya kasi hindi makapasa ng bar.”  Now, the quip may be, “uy ok, mekanikong abogado.”  Yeah, yeah, my imagination running wild with trivial concerns J.

• I’m still ill at ease being addressed as “a-tur-ni.”  Before, my instant reply was “

  sana

  .”  Now, it’s “hindi pa, sa May 2 pa. J.” As I’ve mentioned, despite the upcoming prefix, I’m still the same Ria.  I’d rather be called and be known as still Ria ‘coz I didn’t change, ang dami pang expectation ng mga tao kapag “a-tur-ni” ka, and I don’t want to run the risk of having a swollen head because of such title.

• I am sooooo touched with the outpouring greetings via sms, calls, emails from relatives and friends.  Ang touching pa, some sounded even more thrilled than I was (special mention si Gelo J).  Some parents naman of my friends even cried with joy when they spoke with me. People I didn’t expect to greet sent their felicitations.  Tito Dick called and sent a very touching SMS; ditto with CA Justice de Leon; happy rin my Justice, CYS; ang kukulit din sa tuwa nga guard friends ko sa office J.

• Small sparks of joy: 
  • Seeing my name spelled on a big banner outside our office (it’s a tradition here to announce to the world who passed the bar per office).  Hahaha J, everyday, I surreptitiously look at the said banner and feel swollen with pride. 

  • I can finally finish my bar-momento clearbook with a happy page.  Imagine, I already got three newspapers with the list of bar takers (2004-2006); ain’t it happy na may newspaper na listing the bar passers naman with my name amongst them J?

Finally, Atty. Jax and I succeeded in enrolling ourselves with GSIS’ E-Card Plus!  Some comments if you will:

1. Some people from the GSIS went here sa SC before, pero only those with the old E-Card lang daw pwede kumuha ng E-Card Plus; kaming newbies, dapat sa GSIS-Manila (near Central  Station of the LRT) daw pumunta.  Hassle!

2. Some officemates went earlier to GSIS-Manila…sooooobrang daming tao raw. GSIS was serving daw mga 700ish na that day!

3. Another officemate went on a Saturday to GSIS-Manila…sobrang dami pa rin ng tao.  Before 8am, 500ish na raw si-ne-serve!

4. Bakit kasi those with E-Cards na, kailangang mag-renew?!  What’s with the “Plus”?!

5. The guards at GSIS-Manila are so arrogant, demanding three IDs despite the notice on the wall saying two IDs will do. 

6. Kawawa naman the old man we saw yesterday.  He only had two IDs; ayun, ayaw papasukin.  Tapos, when they found out where Atty. Jax and I work, biglang chika-nicey sila sa amin…hello, equal treatment! 

7. Imagine talaga how difficult it is for the old pensioners to update to E-Card Plus.  Hirap na nga sila to go out and about; tapos where can they get so many IDs pa?  Obviously, karamihan sa kanila wala nang office/company IDs!  No wonder I read a lot of complaints in the newspapers how GSIS E-Card Plus is so non-friendly to pensioners and government workers!

While waiting for our turn in GSIS, I snuck a wee bit to the Civil Registry in Manila City Hall (walking distance lang din naman) to check out how I can get a ‘negative record of birth’ for the rectification of the indicated birth place in my baptismal certificate. Dang, the place is a jungle!  Ang daaaaaaaaaaming tao, ang init, and ang gulo ng pila!  I gave up within the same minute I arrived.  Obviously, to stay would have been a waste of time and effort!

I swear, ang absurd kasi naman ng task na ‘to eh.  I know I wasn’t born in Manila.  This country knows I wasn’t born in Manila!  I insisted and brought an NSO-issued record of my birth certificate to the church which baptized me to show so, pero the people in said church still want me to present a ‘negative record of birth’ from the City of Manila.  Hello? National records vs. Local records in the same country?! 

I woke up the next day as a bar passer with a flat tire.  Flat to the rim and discovered so just as I was about to leave for work. 

I immediately changed my office clothes, took out the tools, and got the spare tire under the chassis of xwind. Got grimed up, did ablutions all over again, and got very late for work — but, bah, I did not even blow a fuse. In fact,  i consider what happened as my happiest wheel-changing experience ever!  Nothing can pierce my happy bubble nor pull me off my cloud 9; PUMASA NA AKO EH J! 

My friend Josel noted that Murphy’s Law has been repealed.  I believe this despite the flat tire the day immediately after the results came out; despite the rains following me in Baguio (Jove went there the night I went back to Manila; he said he did not see a single drop of rain at all); despite the kawalan ng water sa SC Compound the first time ever na nataon pang first time ever ko ring nag-stay dun; despite my multiple bruises on Friday the 13^th J. 

Yes, resistance may be futile; but if we boldly go, we can still have worlds of possibilities!  Yehey, for Berby’s World 2007!!! On to the next quarter…engage!

• Wow, been away from my cube for almost two whole weeks!  Yeah, you can guess what I first did — dust, alcohol, and re-organize J.  Sigh, back to the usu…
• Note to self as seen inside PNB: Per Makati Ordinance 2002-121, use of mobile phones inside bank premises is punishable of a fine worth P1,000.00.
• IMPORTANT REMINDERS FOR 2006 BAR EXAMINATION PASSERS

1. Requirements for Oathtaking (April 25, 2007)

2. Clearance from Office of the Bar Confidant

3. Valid ID with picture

4. Applicant must come personally to fill up the necessary forms. No representatives!

5. Oathtaking Fee: P 2, 250.00

6. IBP Fee: P 1, 200.00

For more information, you may call the Office of the Bar Confidant at 526-8122

Before I realized that today is a Friday the 13^th, I’ve already gotten three bruises!  Kaya pala umpugin ako kanina pa eh ß maybe I’m just finding an excuse for my clumsiness today J

Can’t wait…in just a few hours, I’d finally be heading back to Manila. Despite the coolness here in Baguio, I am rearing to go na eh.  I’m so homesick already.  It’s been almost two weeks since I left home.